Everything is more complicated than you think. You only see a tenth of what is true. There are a million little strings attached to every choice you make. You can destroy your life every time you choose. But maybe you won’t know for 20 years and you may never ever trace it to its source. And you only get one chance to play it out. Just try and figure out your own divorce. And they say there is no fate, but there is, it’s what you create. And even though the world goes on for eons and eons you are only here for a fraction of a fraction of a second. Most of your time is spent being dead or not yet born. But while alive, you wait in vain wasting years for a phone call or a letter or a look from someone or something to make it all right. And it never comes, or it seems to, but it doesn’t really. So you spend your time in vague regret or vaguer hope that something good will come along. Something to make you feel connected. Something to make you feel whole. Something to make you feel loved. And the truth is, I feel so angry. And the truth is, I feel so fucking sad. And the truth is, I’ve felt so fucking hurt for so fucking long. And for just as long, I’ve been pretending I’m okay just to get along, just for… I don’t know why. Maybe because no one wants to hear about my misery because they have their own. Well, fuck everybody. Amen.
- Synecdoche, New York
5 comments:
i can't believe we ate five of those things. we're CRAZY
i have been in such a weird mood all day and i don't know how to make it go awaaaaay.
lololol i am listening to your mix cd!! and it's sooooo funnyyyy
i'm in one of those moods where all i want to write but i am so skeptical and so cynical towards this sort of thing that i essentially end up sitting here, staring at my computer screen. expressionless, because expressionless is the only way to be these days. i don't know if i'm going to have much of future, but my intent is to some day fall in love. i hate to say that it's my ultimate goal, because it's not really, i think i just have nothing better to replace that goal with so it misleading appears that way. i wish i sounded intelligent when i spoke and the world is flat.
patrick is patrick and i realized that i can't change who he is and that while he has changed for the better, he still has issues that he may never overcome and probably won't. i need someone who will always be there for me, regardless of the situation that they are in, despite distance, and despite the fact that i am in an imperfect human being. i broke up with patrick. the thought of being in love with patrick leaves a strange taste in my mouth because while we knew each other very well and clearly, there were always these subtly uncomfortable tones in the air. i wish it would have worked out, but i know better now. i am mature enough to leave it like it is, and to just move on and learn from it. i really gained a lot as a person because of him and still think he is brilliant, so with due time i'll heal. it's nice that i have already accepted things for the way they are, though.
this weekend i'm helping emily move out, so i'll be in bloomington! if it weren't so important i would totally love spending some time with you because we always have so much to discuss and after we hang out i feel so content. i was talking to my brother the other day about you and how i was flattered that we are such close friends because i think you are incredibly intelligent and an all around beautiful human being. i leave for texas on the twentieth, so you should come either next weekend or the one after that because talking on the phone never does our conversations justice.
i have a lot to say about love, though. a whole lot. what i want and what i'll get and how i refuse to settle with someone who doesn't see me for myself and love my every flaw.
hahah! i'm glad you liked it. i showed it to my mum and she was like I HAVE TO SEND THIS TO OUR RELATIVES!!! she crazy
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